Nah, I don’t need to write that password down.  I’ll totally remember it!

Some pansy-ass, piece of shit NPR blogger is trying to muscle in on my Rahm Emanuel for mayor action. Fuck off NPR blogger. Get your own thing, asshole.

And by the way?  Do you know why my post is funnier?  Because I use the fucking curse words, douchebag.

[Expletive]?  Seriously?  That shit is weak.  Real fucking weak.

Lowell High School in San Francisco.  This makes me tear up a little.

Or you can get down like the frat boys at the University of Chicago.

Those of you not living under a rock already know about the guy in Florida planning on burning the Quran.  There’s a lot of counter-protests planned, including one from the American Library Association.  ALA has a pretty impressive track record regarding 1st Amendment rights, but they’re making a bad call here.

They’re planning a reading of the Quran on Saturday, which is great.  What’s not so great is that they’re calling it “Fighting Fire with Free Speech“.  Repellent as it is, burning the Quran is as much free speech as reading aloud from it.

Free speech doesn’t just apply to things that are pleasant.  It doesn’t apply only to good manners.  If this was a city trying to ban a book about burning the Quran, ALA would be all over it.

The Quran reading is a fantastic idea.  But call it “A Day of Diversity” or “Feelin’ the Love.”  ALA has no problem coming up with themes that sound vaguely juvenile.  Now’s the time for one.*

Framing this as an “ALA defends free speech issue” makes it sound like Reverend Jones is somehow acting outside the bounds of the 1st Amendment.  But the opposite of hate speech isn’t free speech.  They’re both free speech.  ALA knows better.

* Edited to add: How about calling it “Learn what the Quran actually says?” It’s a fantastic idea to have a reading. Expose people to something new, help them learn, provide access to knowledge & promote the free exchange of ideas. Doesn’t that sound like an excellent use of a library?

Pork Shouder Nanwich

Being a total lazy ass, I like meals to be cooked for me. This makes the influx of gourmet food trucks into the city very important to me.  To keep informed, I follow them all on Twitter like a modern day Mr. Dooley.

My favorite is the Gaztro-Wagon.  If you’ve never had a nanwich & plantain chips from them, you’re missing out on some good shit.

Today, the Gaztro-Wagon was in Logan Square (where the magic happens!).  Unfortunately, I was at IIT.  They were landing at 5:45.  I was in class until 6:15.  Would I make it to Logan in time for a delicious nanwich?

Those of you familiar with Chicago traffic at rush hour will not be surprised to learn that the Kennedy decided to fuck me.

Traffic was so backed up that it took me 20 minutes to get from the 31st street entrance to the Canalport exit.  I never should have gotten on.  I made the wrong choice.  It did not look good for our hero.

So when I hit Canalport, I hopped off & took the surface streets: Halsted to Roosevelt to Ashland.  On Ashland, I tweeted about how I was going to miss the Gaztro-Wagon because of the fucking Kennedy.

Wild Boar Belly Nanwich

And then, something awesome happened.  The Gaztro-Wagon tweeted back.  And they said they’d wait for me, and asked for an ETA.  I said 20 minutes. It. Was. On.

Ashland to Grand, Grand west to Humboldt.  On Grand, something else happened: Don’t Stop Believing came on the radio.  And yesterday, I would have told you I was kinda ready to stop believing.  I would have told you that I’m 35 years old, and I’m just about out of belief.

Today, I fucking believed.

They’ve done some renovating of Humboldt Boulevard, narrowing it from 4 lanes to 2, with a center turning lane.  This does not work for me, because it totally constricts the flow of traffic.  Especially because, tonight, there was someone in front of me going 35 MPG.  WTF?  This is Humboldt Park!  Don’t be pulling that speed limit shit here!

But I made it through the park with out popping a cap into anyone’s ass, and onto Milwaukee.  I threw my car into a spot that everyone just fucking knew not to park in, because they’d have to face my wrath, and took off across the street to the Gaztro-Wagon.

Dear readers, I made it.  They were there waiting for me.  We were so happy to see each other, and there was much rejoicing.  I got a warm Chicken Courdon Blue Nanwich, with plantain chips.  And I ate it before I could take a picture to show you all.  I didn’t even get a shot of the menu.  But I ate my nanwich with a big smile on my face, and two greedy begging cats at my feet.

It was a victory, wrapped in a win, stuffed inside a big Fuck Yeah.

Rahm for Mayor!

“Because fuck you, that’s why.”

“Hey [Opposing Candidate]! You can run, but you can’t hide.  You chickenshit motherfucker.”

“Am I capable of decency? Lady, that’s a fucking retarded question.”

“The Democrat message will beat the Republican message. Upside the head with a fucking baseball bat.”

“Kicking ass & taking names. What’s your fucking name?  Your name is Asshole.”

“The take no prisoners, punch you in the balls, make you cry & tell you mama about it candidate.”

“I’m shaking hands.  Get your ass over here & let me shake your fucking hand.”

Glenn Beck

Eminim

Is it just me?

Also, Emenim looks unhappy to be in that tie.

And Glenn Beck looks like the kind of douchebag who would have worn a tie to public high school.

The weirdest thing about this is that I heard the news via Ozzie Guillen’s Twitter feed.  I’ve decided that I can get all the news I need from Ozzie Guillen.  I want Ozzie doing the news on NPR for Morning Edition.  I want Ozzie doing BBC World late night broadcasts.  Imagine Ozzie Guillen on the Daily Show.

It’s blowing your mind.

Here’s a picture of some old presidents, via The Silentist.  I like that Nixon’s face totally looks like a mask of Nixon’s face.

Find my glasses, then take out my contacts.